February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month Published Jan. 28, 2011 By Joyce Atlee Family Advocacy Outreach Manager TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. -- Would you know if your teen was in an abusive relationship? Probably not! According to the Teen Violence Prevention Project, 81 percent of parents either believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they do not know if it is. But the facts say otherwise. As we begin February's Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month, take a look at some startling statistics unearthed in a 2009 research study commissioned by Liz Claiborne, Inc and the Family Violence Prevention Fund: · 47 percent of teens in the study have personally been victimized by controlling behaviors from a boyfriend or girlfriend · 29 percent have been the victim of sexual abuse, physical abuse or threats of physical abuse by a boyfriend or girlfriend · 60 percent know someone who has been the victim of sexual abuse, physical abuse or threats of physical abuse by a boyfriend or girlfriend · Of those teens who have been in an abusive dating relationship, fewer than one-third (32 percent) have confided in a parent about their abusive relationship. But even when teens and parents do discuss the abuse, significant numbers of teens do not take their parents' advice. Alarmingly, 78 percent of teens who have experienced dating abuse report staying in relationships despite their parents' advice. Sixty-three percent decided to give their abusive partner "one more chance," while 28 percent lied to their parents, claiming they broke up, but continued the relationship in secret. So what can parents do to protect their children? First, learn some of the danger signs that could indicate your teen is involved with a potentially abusive person. LoveisRespect.org points out that a teen experiencing abuse may: · Make changes in their daily rituals · Retreat from school or activities · Experience isolation from friends · Make changes in clothing · Wear clothing inappropriate for the weather in order to hide marks · Have visible marks or bruises · Spend excessive amounts of time with the person they're dating Next, get comfortable with the need to talk about relationship abuse with your child. Raise the issue among your friends and see how they may have handled this issue and share information and tips. Then, schedule some uninterrupted time alone with your teen to talk. You can begin in a general way, asking if they know anyone who might have ever been involved with someone who abuses them. Keep the conversation focused and non-judgmental. Direct the discussion to your teen and their life. Let your child know you will be there for them, no matter what. If your teen is more comfortable online than talking face to face, sit down and check out some websites together. The Love is Not Abuse website --http://www.loveisnotabuse.com/web/guest/home --has an interactive quiz on abusive behaviors. Another website, www.thatsnotcool.com, uses fun videos and callout cards to help teens recognize abusive digital behavior (using texting, e-mails, social media, etc.) Finally, if you suspect your teen may be in an abusive relationship, but they just won't talk about it with you, try leaving this number lying around your teen's room in a prominent place for the Love is Respect.org National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474. Parents can also call that number and get advice from a trained peer advocate from 4 p.m. to 2 a.m.