Season can cause stress, depression for some Published Dec. 17, 2008 By Gregory L. Ruch 72nd Medical Operations Squadron TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla., -- The days are shorter, the weather colder and the holiday countdown begins. The malls are filled with beautiful decorations. Music and fragrances combine to set the holiday spirit. Outside, chestnuts are roasting over an open fire, so why do we feel anxious and a bit wistful? The holiday season can be a time full of joy, cheer, parties and family gatherings. But for many, it is a time of self-evaluation, loneliness, reflection on past failures and anxiety about an uncertain future. Dealing with stress and depression requires us to first understand the typical trigger points that commonly cause stress during the season. Holiday stress and depression are often the result of three main trigger points. Understanding them can help you plan ahead on how to accommodate them. The three main points are: Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time, but tensions are often heightened during the holidays as family members gather together. Conflicts are bound to arise with so many different personalities, needs, interests and expectations. Finances: Like relationships, financial situations can cause stress at any time of the year. But overspending during the holidays on gifts, travel, food and entertainment can increase stress as you try to make ends meet while ensuring everyone on your gift list is happy. You may find yourself in a financial spiral that leaves you with depression symptoms such as hopelessness, sadness and helplessness. Physical demands: The strain of shopping, attending social gatherings and preparing holiday meals can wipe you out. eeling exhausted increases stress, creating a vicious cycle. Exercise and sleep -- good antidotes for stress and fatigue -- may take a backseat to chores and errands. High demands, stress, lack of exercise and overindulgence in food and drink are all ingredients for holiday illness. When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Therefore, trying to prevent stress and depression can make significant differences in reducing their impact, especially if you know the holidays have taken an emotional toll in previous years. The following are some tips you can try to head off holiday stress and depression: Acknowledge your feelings. If a loved one has recently died or you aren't able to be with your loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness or grief. It's OK now and then to take time just to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season. Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek out family members and friends or community, religious or social services. Consider volunteering at a community or religious function. Also, enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, as well as meal preparation and clean-up. Loneliness is hard at any time for most people, but it can be especially tough during the holiday season. Military services are available and eager to assist those in need of support. Be realistic. People have unrealistic expectations for the holidays. Hollywood and the music industry have conjured up images of a traditional happy holiday dinner with loved ones. By lowering our expectations, we are able to see realistically. Whatever benefit arises, becomes a bonus. We stop comparing what once existed in the past to what is in the here and now. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to, but accept that you may have to let go of others. For example, if your adult children and grandchildren can't all gather at your house as usual, find new ways to celebrate together such as sharing pictures, e-mails or videotapes. Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Practice forgiveness. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships. Be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too. Stick to a budget. Before going shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend, then stick to your budget. If you don't, you could feel anxious and tense for months afterward as you struggle to pay the bills. Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan menus and then make one big food-shopping trip. Expect travel delays, especially if you're flying. Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you'll avoid feeling resentful, bitter and overwhelmed. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Steal away to a quiet place for a few moments of solitude. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm. Rethink resolutions. Unrealistic resolutions can set you up for failure. Don't resolve to change your whole life to make up for past excess. Instead, try to return to basic, healthy lifestyle routines. Set smaller, more specific goals with a reasonable time frame. Choose resolutions that help you feel valuable and that provide more than fleeting moments of happiness. Forget about perfection. Holiday TV specials are filled with happy endings. But in real life, people don't usually resolve problems within an hour or two. Something always comes up. You may get stuck late at the office and miss your daughter's school play, your sister may dredge up an old argument, your partner may burn the cookies and your mother may criticize how you're raising the kids. All in the same day. Accept imperfections in yourself and in others. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for several weeks, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. In a nutshell, holidays turn out to be whatever we create them to be. If we over-indulge, over-spend or over-extend ourselves, we'll end up worn out and weary by the end of the season. However, if we take good care of ourselves and make sure we have what we need, we will not only improve our holidays but we'll also improve the season for those around us.