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Sign of respect: Gold Star family dedicates Tinker tributes

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  • By John Parker
  • Staff Writer
TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. --  A quiet parking lot ceremony outside the Tinker Exchange last week marked the end of a mission for Miriam Hamilton and her three children.

With the dedication June 18 of two reserved parking spaces for Gold Star families, Mrs. Hamilton reached her goal begun earlier this year: to see Gold Star spaces at all three Air Force bases in Oklahoma. Vance AFB was first, followed by Altus AFB.

The Gold Star tradition began in World War I and continued to be a widely known part of American homefront life in World War II. A service flag with a blue star hanging in a family's home window signified a family member serving his or her country. Replaced by a gold star, the symbol conveyed a message no family ever wanted to send -- a loved one lost. 

Col. Stephanie Wilson, 72nd Air Base Wing commander, presided over the brief dedication ceremony outside the main shopping hub at Tinker. Mrs. Hamilton and her children removed fabric draped over one of the reserved parking signs before Colonel Wilson spoke.

"Thank you for helping us to remember the sacrifice that our families are making, especially those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice," Colonel Wilson said. "Our democracy is founded on great principles, but freedom is not free. It has never, ever been free. And when the price is paid, we owe it to them to always remember. Not just the loss, but the sacrifice."

Mrs. Hamilton, an Air Force veteran, and her children became a Gold Star family on April 27, 2011. Her husband, Capt. Nathan Nylander, an Air Force meteorologist, died in a shootout during the most deadly insider attack in the Afghanistan War. A rampaging Afghan colonel fatally shot nine Americans, including eight Airmen, at the Afghan Air Force headquarters at Kabul's international airport.

Captain Nylander was in an adjacent room when the shooting began. The captain helped evacuate people three separate times and later exchanged gunfire with the Afghan pilot. Captain Nylander, 35, was fatally shot after his gun jammed. The officer's valor earned him the nation's third highest combat honor, the Silver Star.

Mrs. Hamilton, now married to Air Force Capt. Blake Hamilton, learned about reserved spaces for Gold Star families while visiting Naval Station Great Lakes, Ill. When the family was stationed at Vance, base officials unhesitatingly embraced her idea to create similar spaces there. 

Mrs. Hamilton said knowledge about Gold Star families has faded in the military and in civilian life, even though there are longtime Gold Star support and recognition groups, such as the American Gold Star Mothers.

"I've run into people of all ranks who've been in the military anywhere from two years to 25 years who had no clue what it means," Mrs. Hamilton said. "I feel like they should know what it means because you never know not only who around you could be part of it, your family could be part of that in a minute, and not by choice. It's nice to know who these people are so we can support each other."

The definition of a Gold Star family varies. Private organizations, some states' laws and the Department of Defense have set the standard ranging from having a family member who died in combat to any death on active duty service. The base has no set guideline.

For a combat widow whose Gold Star status is unquestioned, Mrs. Hamilton said she personally recognizes any family who lost a member in service. She includes suicides, whether linked to PTSD or not, and service members who may have died in retirement from service-related illnesses. She knows of one widow whose husband died of a heart attack while on active duty in Afghanistan.

"Does it matter? They served. That's the important part," Mrs. Hamilton said.
Mr. Hamilton and other Gold Star survivors are currently working on spreading Gold Star spaces to as many military bases as possible. Mrs. Hamilton's and Captain Nylander's children say they're trying to echo the captain's dedication during his service to helping fellow Wingmen in his units, which he did even to the last moments of his life.

"It's something bad that happened to us ... and we could have turned around and said never again do we want to be around the military," Mrs. Hamilton said. "It's become the opposite for us. We don't want Gold Star families to be forgotten. This is a way to honor him, honor them and bring to light what they are.

"Just like we don't want to forget those who have died, we don't want to forget those that have been left behind."