Commentary: Wounds run deep

Published Nov. 21, 2014
By Staff Sgt. Eliot Mitchell
72nd Security Forces Squadron

TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. -- Though the wounds aren't visible, many military members like me come home suffering on the inside.

Wounds that aren't visible are the hardest to accept, these are the wounds that haunt us, the wounds that divide us, the wounds that scare us. If we can't identify ourselves as hurt or wounded, then what good are we to ourselves?

I suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, accompanied with seizures.

I hate that label, "PTSD." It sounds so derogatory. No one is ready for this generation's stories or our pain to be spilled out to the public. We've hid it as best we could for so long. I'm sure every generation feels this way. Why should we even let the world know about it; they won't get it, they won't care, so what is the reason? As scary as the world seems "over there" it's worse over here; nothing is scarier than coming home.

There really isn't just one or two instances that have brought me to this point, but an accumulation of stress, terrifying incidents and haunting memories I've gathered after serving my entire career in war time era. Centuries of wars have been fought and men and women have left their souls all over the world. Nothing has changed with this war. The last time this was brought to our attention was the Vietnam era. We have come a long way, but many military veterans are still terrified of the general public's reaction to their stories.

There are always a lot of snaps, booms and cracks that hover around you. As a cop, I couldn't run and hide in a bunker all the time; I had to make sure everyone else made it to safety. We hide as best we can, but it is our job to identify the Point of Impact and help the recovery process.

I am one of the luckier veterans because I have a spouse I can turn to. I completely credit my wife for my recovery. She's been there 24/7. I also have to credit my mental health team for the progress I've made thus far.

Maj. Vanessa Wong and Dr. Hollis Ferrell treat me with out-of-the-box thinking that I find scary, but amazing. One day they took me to the middle of the clinic waiting area and asked "okay Mitch how do you feel now?" No other psychology team has the time invested in a personal interest like the 72nd Medical Group. I also have to give credit to the "ridiculously outstanding group," Director Dr. Gail Saunders, Amanda Noles/LPC/LPSW and Chaplain John, at the University of Behavioral Health (an in-patient mental health facility). UBH use group therapy, which decreases fatigue, promotes universality and separates military versus civilian. I compliment my psychologist's training plan for my recovery.

To this day I still get emotional talking to my psychologist about my wife, and how she has stayed by my side through it all. It takes a certain type of person to be a military spouse and my wife fits that bill. She's gone through hell with me and she still sees the spark. I don't know where I would be if it were not for my wife. She's everything to me -- she's amazing and I love her so much.

Years of dealing with me, my wife has picked up a few tricks to de-escalate situations with me. She watches my body language and knows me better than I know myself in most cases. Stacy will identify objects that will upset or startle me and clear the way, she's always on point for me.

When I was at UBH, my wife asked me what I needed when I came home. I instantly said a puppy. She found Meeka, an Airedale Terrier, who is in training to become a service dog for seizures and PTSD. Meeka has created a bond that is as strong as a spouse.

As for the future, I would like to do something with painting as some sort of creative outlet. Who knows, I could do anything. I could be a psychologist and help other wounded warriors. I think a sense of purpose is key in anything we do. I found out my purpose in getting treatment. Helping others is why I did this article -- purpose is the key!

I know there are a lot of people going through the same thing as I am. We all share some of the same symptoms. I will always tell them to reach out for help; it's so much easier to have a support system.

The road to recovery will lead you from peak to valley. You'll never know how to even get up each day. You cry, you'll laugh, you'll scream and you will want to give up.
The journey is up to you. It's your choice to seek the help that is available. It's not in a bottle or in any substance, it's within you. It's in your brain. Humans have this amazing ability to undo the trauma that has debilitated us.

Perseverance is only a word, but embracing that word and looking into the eyes of the people who want you to get better -- looking into the mirror every day and telling yourself that you will overcome -- is the best medicine.