Domestic violence leaves mark on children, too Published Oct. 16, 2009 By Joyce Atlee Family Advocacy Outreach Manager TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. -- Each October, the nation focuses attention on a serious problem during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Domestic violence impairs the lives of millions of adult victims each year. Often, the public does not consider that the children who are exposed to violence in the home may also experience a wide range of negative effects. One study estimated that approximately 15.5 million American children live in families in which partner violence had occurred at least once in the previous year, while 7 million children live in families where severe partner violence had occurred. Exposure to intimate partner violence includes being in the same room while the violence is occurring, witnessing a parent being slapped, punched, thrown around, kicked or strangled. It also includes the child who cowers under the covers and hears the yelling, screaming and smashing things, or the child who ventures out when things quiet down, only to find his mother on the floor bleeding and crying. While parents often naively think their children are not aware of what is happening, researchers have found that 80 to 90 percent of children in homes where domestic violence occurs can provide detailed accounts of the violence in their homes. A child's perception and reaction varies with their age, the severity and nature of the violence and a variety of other social factors. Children will experience and react to the trauma differently. Researchers point out that a combination of feelings of confusion, anger, sadness, fear, shame, guilt and multiple others may result in a variety of behaviors, learning problems, physical complaints and social difficulties. One article by learning specialisty C. J. Newton, published in a mental health journal, stated that children exposed to intimate partner violence may become withdrawn, distrusting or aggressive. Later in their lives, they may exhibit the same behavior as the abuser in their home. In fact, male children are at high risk. Boys abused by their fathers are three times more likely to abuse their intimate partner when they get older than a child who is not abused. Boys who witness their mother being abused are six times more likely to become an abuser themselves, while boys experiencing both are 12 times more likely. There are also instances when a teenage or older son replicates the behavior he grew up seeing so closely that he starts abusing his own mother. To him, this seems like a normal way to treat women. Similarly, a child of the same gender as the victim may drift into the role of victim when they reach dating age. This is not to say that every boy experiencing violence will absolutely recreate it with his own intimate partner. Just as not every child of an alcoholic is doomed to become an alcoholic, there may be certain protective factors which can affect the outcome. Having strong sibling and peer relationships is thought to provide a stabilizing effect, as would a supportive relationship with another adult. The child's own self-esteem, temperament, intelligence and social competence can help moderate the effects of exposure. A child who has already developed good coping skills has an advantage in overcoming the effects of exposure. The age of a child when exposed to domestic violence can play a key role. Younger children are more vulnerable to severe effects. Whether it was an isolated incident or the child lives with violence for years, makes a significant difference, as does the nature and severity of the abuse. Children may feel responsible for the abuse, and may feel guilty that they cannot stop it. They may feel ambivalent because they may love the abusive parent. Sometimes a child attempts to intervene, trying to protect the victim, and may end up physically injured in the process. In addition, children in abusive households are much more likely to be abused or neglected themselves, and sexual abuse is also more common in these homes. Sometimes children are killed. In one study, 27 percent of domestic homicide victims were children. Ninety percent of the time the child victims are under age 10, with 56 percent under age 2. With the wide range of horrific possibilities, it's imperative that a person in an abusive situation know where to get assistance, not only for themselves, but for the safety and well-being of their children. At Tinker, Family Advocacy is the place for active duty and their family members to turn for help. Licensed clinical social workers can assist both victims and abusers through individual counseling and group treatment. For assistance, call 734-4390. Active duty members and their adult dependents can also talk to the domestic abuse victim advocate from noon to 4 p.m. weekdays at 706-2158, or the on-call advocate after duty hours at 706-2210. All other victims, including retired military, may receive assistance with safety planning and will be referred to civilian support services for all follow-up care and ongoing support. They can also call the YWCA of Oklahoma City Crisis Services at 947-4506. Anyone in immediate danger should call 911.