Controlling anger — before it controls you Published Nov. 30, 2007 By Life Skills Support Center TINKER AIR FORCE BASE -- A hammer flies across the hanger bay straight toward your head and you duck to avoid getting hit. One of your co-workers has lost his temper and the tools are flying. Your co-worker has a beautiful wife, three wonderful kids and great job here at Tinker. He's living the 'American Dream' and he always seems miserable. You ignored his frequent angry outbursts and avoid him when he's angry, because you know this is how he is and there is no changing him. He's your friend and you don't know what to do so you avoid him. Is this being a good Wingman? Of course not, but how do you help someone who seems to be so angry all the time. Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry your heart rate and blood pressure go up. There are so many causes for anger. You could be angry at a specific person; such as a co-worker or supervisor, event, a traffic jam or caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. The instinctive natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger is necessary to our survival, but some take it a bit too far. We should never physically lash out at people, animals or objects that irritates or annoys us. There are limits on how far we should allow our anger to take us. People use a variety of processes to deal with their angry feelings. Some don't use any process at all, but there are some approaches to deal with anger. Expressing suppressing and calming are three different processes that can be tried. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, not aggressive, manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding. You have to be respectful of yourself and others. You can suppress anger and then convert or redirect it. Hold in your anger, stop thinking about it and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. But, you also have to be careful, because by suppressing your anger and not allowing it outward can turn your anger inward, on yourself, and anger turned inward can cause many other health issues. Unexpressed anger can create passive-aggressive behaviors, getting back at people indirectly without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on, or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. It is not surprising that they don't have many successful relationships. To help your wingman, contact your Life Skills Support Center for Anger Management Classes.