TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. -- Bringing awareness to the problem that is domestic violence – that was the focus of a recent lunch and learn.
According to the American Psychological Association, every nine seconds in the United States a woman is assaulted or beaten. On average every day, one man and three women will lose their lives in cases of domestic violence.
Five red cardboard cutouts stood in the room, representing five silent witnesses and five different scenarios of loss to domestic violence in the state of Oklahoma. An unnerving statistic was presented, that one in four women and one in 10 men will be affected or victimized by domestic violence. Oklahoma has risen from sixth to fourth in the nation in the number of women killed in domestic violence disputes.
Domestic violence doesn’t have a face. It can happen to anyone — mothers, fathers, teachers, preachers, nurses, police officers.
Sgt. Sherrica Buckingham, with the Oklahoma City Police Department, a survivor of domestic abuse, shared her story of resiliency to a full room at the Tinker Chapel.
A 10-year veteran of the Oklahoma City Police Department, a wife, a mother and a survivor, the sergeant described herself.
“I’m a survivor, not a victim. The victims aren’t here to tell their stories.”
Through telling her personal experience, Sgt. Buckingham spoke of resilience and encouragement, but she also emphasized the importance that the “blaming the victim” stigma needs to be banished. There is more to the story, the Sergeant said.
“People, even yourself — you don’t know how you get to that point. But you can’t just get out. You can’t just walk away,” she explained.
The turning point for Sgt. Buckingham came when the Department of Human Services removed her children from her, and into protective custody. She described the event as the most traumatic experience of her life, as she was deemed not responsible enough to take care of her kids.
“It took something that traumatic to wake me up and realize that I am a victim of domestic violence. It’s a very humbling experience when my agency (OKCPD) took my badge and my gun. My career was on the line, my kids were gone. I was psychologically damaged.”
In retrospect, the sergeant described how obvious the signs were – she didn’t see them then, but is thankful to see them now and to use her personal experience to better serve in her role as an advocate, as well as a police officer, mother and wife.
When this case happened in 2010, the Oklahoma City Police Department didn’t have a single advocate for domestic abuse victims. A reason, Sgt. Buckingham said, why she is extremely passionate about serving as an advocate and a support system.
Prevention and awareness is a key component with helping in cases of domestic disputes. Educating yourself, learning and recognizing the need for support of abuse victims is crucial, Sgt. Buckingham said.
Kaylee Osborne, Domestic Abuse Victim Advocate with the 72nd MDOS, encouraged everyone to be supportive of those who have experienced cases of domestic violence.
“The most powerful thing that you can do for a victim of domestic violence is to believe them. Help them get in touch with the services that can be beneficial to their needs. Listen to that person tell you what they need or want,” Ms. Osborne said. “Sometimes their decisions may not make sense to you but it is important that you provide them with the support that you can. That support, however small or large, can greatly impact their ability to survive the violence that they are being exposed to.”