CHAPLAIN'S CORNER: Languages Published March 26, 2008 By Chaplain (Capt.) David E. Del Prado Tinker Chapel TINKER AIR FORCE BASE -- Languages. Aren't they fascinating? You have probably said, as I have, how we admire people who've been able to master more than two languages. From amongst our Team Tinker family we have a number of such folks. The truth is, while some people find it easy, it still takes determination, study and exposure to acquire a basic handle of two or more languages in addition to ones' native tongue. You're probably giggling by now as you say to yourself, "I'm still working on understanding English let alone another language." Interesting that you would say that because the world's languages and their dialects may not be for everyone to become proficient in but there is a language that all human beings must work on understanding and developing skill in. The language I am talking about is the Love language. Songs, poems and books have been written about it; paintings drawn to describe it; gifts, large and small, have been given to express it. Yet, in many ways we still misunderstand it. Dr. Gary Chapman, husband, father, psychologist, author, speaker/comedian, has written a number books, one of which is entitled The Five Love Languages. The men's edition is focused on helping men understand how to find their love language and discover their wives' love language. After much research, counseling couples, anthropological studies and travels, he's narrowed the love languages down to the following five: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. He describes how Words of Affirmation are, "Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, [that] are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation, such as: 'You look sharp in that suit'; 'Do you ever look nice in that dress! Wow!'; 'You must be he best potato cook in the world. I love these potatoes'; 'I really appreciate your washing the dishes tonight.'" He makes a good point that, "verbal compliments are far greater motivators than nagging words." According to Dr. Chapman the dialects of Words of Affirmation are Encouraging Words, Kind Words and Humble Words. The second Love language is Quality Time. This does not include sitting in front of the TV watching a program together. It means giving each other some undivided attention. Taking a walk together, going out to eat and actually conversing like newly weds or boyfriend and girlfriend do and actually looking at each other (not from behind the newspaper, magazine or computer), etc. This language also has its dialects: Togetherness which has to do with focused attention; Quality Conversation which deals with sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. The third Love language is Receiving Gifts. The husband can make, find or purchase (finances permitting) a gift for his wife. Write a brief note and leave it on her pillow. Stop the car safely on the side of the road and pick a wild flower or purchase a card that expresses how much you care about your wife. These are just some ideas. The fourth Love language is Acts of Service. Clean out the garage. Offer to do the groceries for her or anything else that will free her up to spend some time together with you later. Cook dinner, paint that room or surprise her with planning a trip she's been talking about for some time. "Do things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her," says Dr. Chapman. Finally, the fifth Love language is Physical Touch. Now, before most men and some women begin thinking this language is only about intimacy, think again. While intimacy is part of physical touch there is so much more that should and needs to take place prior. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Chapman, "make touching her a normal part of your routine. Ruffle her hair when she's is sitting reading. Touch her shoulder as she works in the kitchen. Kiss and embrace when saying goodbye in the morning and at the end of the day. If you sit across each other at a restaurant play footsies or sit side by side in booth." For more details I recommend the guys get a copy of the book at the library or from a local book store. The bottom line is to learn what you spouse's love language is. What are her top two priorities and begin practicing those. Dr. Chapman writes that, "The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love." The idea here is to intentionally show and express how much you care about her and that it become second nature. In the historical Christian book of Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 25 it says, "Husbands love you wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." We husbands must show our wives that we are daily willing to sacrifice ourselves for them. Don't worry guys the next article on the subject will be for the ladies. God continue to bless your marriages. May we continue to partner with God to strengthen our marriages and make them more fulfilling than we ever dreamed of.