CHAPLAIN'S CORNER: Conflict and reconciliation Published March 19, 2008 By Chaplain (Capt.) Ken Thornton Tinker Chapel TINKER AIR FORCE BASE -- Conflict is something that is often unavoidable, even among the best of friends. Each of us is different from others in so many ways. We have different styles, different views, different backgrounds, different experiences and education, to name a few. These differences can sometimes lead to conflict. And conflict, while it may be a bad thing, is not always so. If it is handled with maturity and wisdom, conflict can lead to personal growth and strengthened relationships. But, unresolved conflict on the personal level can lead to a lot of pain and a host of problems on the job, in the home and in all relationships. One person told me several years ago, "I have so few real friends, I can't afford to be careless in my relationships with them." Really, can any of us afford to be careless in our relationships in the home, with personal friends or on the job? If a relationship is important to us, and it has been damaged through carelessness or anger, then we may need to take positive steps to restore that relationship. Our Founding Fathers John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, along with Benjamin Franklin, Robert Livingston and Roger Sherman, were instrumental in crafting the Declaration of Independence in 1776. Adams and Jefferson became great friends during the early years of our nation. But over time, these men became bitter enemies. After the adoption of the Constitution in 1789, George Washington became our nation's first president and was uncontested in his election. At this time in our history, there were no political parties, and Adams served as the first vice president. Following George Washington, a tremendously popular president who could have become king, would be difficult. And this was especially true for John Adams, who became the nation's second president, with Thomas Jefferson as his vice president. Political parties had begun to rise. Adams led the Federalists, conservatives who favored a strong central government, and Jefferson led the Jeffersonian Republicans, better known as the "Democratic-Republicans," who felt the nation was backsliding toward monarchy. These two men began to have sharp political differences between them, so much so that Jefferson opposed Adams in the presidential election of 1800, sometimes called the "Revolution of 1800." These two heroes of the Revolutionary era, once close friends, had become enemies. The election of 1800 has been referred to as a nasty affair, with mud-slinging, accusations, backstabbing and attacks between Adams and Jefferson and their political parties. Eventually, the Electoral College deadlocked and it appeared neither Adams nor Jefferson would be elected. A huge crisis loomed over the young nation. Tensions ran so high that the Democratic-Republicans threatened civil war if the Federalists denied Jefferson the presidency. The stalemate ended after several days and dozens of ballots. A deal that changed a single vote made Jefferson the third president of the United States. Adams was so angry he left Washington before dawn on Inauguration Day, too bitter to shake Jefferson's hand. Their shattered friendship and bitter feelings toward each other nearly tore the new nation apart. These two men, friends who together forged a new nation, didn't speak to each other for over a decade. Another Founding Father, Benjamin Rush, encouraged Adams to write a note to Jefferson. Upon receiving the note, Jefferson wrote Adams a brief conciliatory note which referenced their earlier days as co-laborers in the same cause. Adams wrote back, "You and I ought not to die before we have explained ourselves to each other." David McCullough, American historian, and author of the biography "John Adams," writes that what followed was one of the most extraordinary correspondences in American history. Adams and Jefferson reconciled upon their former terms of goodwill. They restored their friendship. I'm sure they didn't change their political stands or opinions, but maybe they learned how to disagree with each other without being disagreeable. What about us? Are bitter feelings tearing a home apart or negatively impacting the work place? Is there a valuable relationship or friendship that needs to be restored? Again, is there reconciliation that needs to take place in the home or on the job? What about with God? Adams and Jefferson were encouraged by Rush to reconcile. If need be, seek help from a trusted friend or chaplain or pastor or someone else who can give counsel to help you mend that broken, valuable relationship. By the way, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on the same day, July 4, 1826. These two friends who had become enemies, then again became friends, died just hours apart exactly 50 years after the signing of that great document they co-authored, the Declaration of Independence. Have a great week!