Suicide survivor talks resiliency with Team Tinker

Published April 1, 2016
By Kimberley Woodruff
Staff Writer

TINKER AIR FORCE BASE, Okla. -- "Are you OK? Is something wrong? Can I help you? Those were the only words I wanted to hear," began Kevin Hines, a suicide survivor, author, storyteller and mental health advocate.

His story of survival began on Sept. 25, 2000.

At the age of 19, Mr. Hines stood atop the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco wanting just one person to see his pain and say something. When no one did, he launched himself over the railing and into a four second plunge that would change the course of his life forever.

Mr. Hines had paced on the bridge for 40 minutes before finally giving in and deciding he had no other option than to die by suicide.

Seven to 10 people die every week on the bridge. According to Mr. Hines, only 36 have survived the 220-foot fall and of those, just four have regained full mobility as he has. He fell 25 stories at an estimated 75 miles per hour.

Mr. Hines describes hitting the water like running into a brick wall.

"I shattered my T-12, L-1 and L-2 vertebrae," he said. He missed severing his spinal cord by 1 centimeter.

Mr. Hines said he thought suicide was his only option because he believed he was useless.

"I felt I was a burden to all who loved me. I believed they wanted me gone," he said. "Now, had I asked any one of my family or friends, they would have told me otherwise."

Mr. Hines battles bi-polar disorder, type I brain disease. Diagnosed at the age of 17, he took his medications and was in treatment. He admitted that he would tell his therapist what he wanted to hear and only took his medication sporadically. He was also drinking -- not to get high, but to deaden the pain -- an action that could have been deadly.

"I believed the United States Postal workers were coming to kill me," said Mr. Hines. "I was hearing voices that said I had to die. All because of my brain, the most important organ in our bodies, but the one we ignore the most."

Mr. Hines said whenever someone breaks a bone or suffers with a liver, kidney, brain or heart disease, their family and friends rally around them. But when it comes to a disease of the brain, the first reaction often is, "What is wrong with you? Get over it and pull yourself up by your bootstraps."

Mr. Hines said there is discrimination for mental issues every day all across the world.
"I never wanted to die," he said. "I only believed I had to."

He added that people say suicide is selfish, but to be selfish, you have to be in control. He said he wasn't in control when he launched himself over the side of the bridge.

Mr. Hines planned for his last day. He packed his school bag for the city college. It had a notebook containing his suicide letter to family, friends and his girlfriend. He went to college and dropped all but one class because he thought he would be tying up loose ends.

"I went to my English class that day because the teacher was smokin'," Mr. Hines said. "It was the only rational thing I did all day."

When his father dropped him off at college, he told his son, "Kevin, I love you. Be careful." Mr. Hines has a very vivid memory of stepping out of the car, a tear running down his cheek and landing on his shoe.

"It was the last time I would see anyone I love," he said. "I was content."

Mr. Hines took the bus out to the bridge and had the thought that everyone on the bus was going to create beautiful memories, while he was there to die. He cried.

He was still crying when he got to the bridge. His feet were heavy and his heart was palpitating. Bikers, joggers, tourists and police passed by him. A woman approached him and he thought she might ask how he was doing. He thought he could have told her. Instead, she pulled out a camera and asked him to take her picture.

"I told myself, no one cares," he said. "Everybody cared. Every member of my family and every one of my friends cared. They would have kept me alive, had they known."
Mr. Hines took a running start and catapulted himself over the railing.

And then he had instant regret.

"I had just made the biggest mistake of my life," he said.

He prayed, asking, "What have I done? God, please save me. I don't want to die."

Mr. Hines said there were three miracles that day. First, a woman driving by saw him jump and called her friend, who happened to be in the Coast Guard and was manning the bridge. Second, while he thought he was drowning, something large and slimy kept bumping him. He assumed it was a shark, but later discovered that it was a sea lion that kept him buoyant. Lastly, the Coast Guard was there quickly and put him on the flat board. The Coast Guard had seen 57 deaths from people jumping off the bridge. They called him a miracle.

Mr. Hines said he's grateful to be here.

"I'm grateful to be anywhere," he said. "I'm thankful for any moment I have. I don't take for granted anyplace I am, any person I meet, because I can't. These are gifts we've been given, that I can't take for granted.

"Let's cherish this day, and every moment of this gift of life."

10 tips for surviving mental health concerns

During the luncheon, Mr. Hines shared these 10 tips:

1. Therapy: Talk therapy, music therapy, art therapy, blue wave light box therapy or breathing therapy

2. Proper nutrition: Eat a balanced diet high in nutrients; smart carbs for calming effect; protien rich foods boost alertness; maintain healthy weight; no illegal drugs, no alcohol

3. Exercise strong correlation with improved mood and aerobic capacity; same antidepressant-like effects associated with "runners high"; improves brain function and acts as a "first aid kit" on damaged brain cells

4. Sleep restores the brain by flushing out toxins: get 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night; maintain a consistent bedtime and wake time; stop caffeine at 12 p.m.; listen to calm, soothing music to wind down; stop eating three hours before sleep

5. Education: helps you to make right decisions for you; research new treatment options for management; educating friends and family about mental/brain health reduces stigma and discrimination; people with mental illness require information and support to accept and understand their health condition.

6. Medication: 100 percent accuracy; know the side effects and pay close attention to them; know what the drug interactions are; never stop taking drugs abruptly; medications prove most effective as part of an overall treatment program.

7. Meditation: actively training the mind to increase awareness; not a magic bullet for depression, but a tool to manage symptoms; reduces activity in the brain's "me center"

8. Advocacy: Self-advocacy helps identify the obstacles you face as a patient, developing the strategies to overcome them and then putting them into action. Public policy or legislative advocacy, the act of trying to influence public policy at state and federal levels through a wide range of activities

9. Coping mechanisms: Such as grounding, socializing with friends, spending time with a pet, humor, hobbies, physical recreation.

10. The Plan: Create an emergency mental health notebook or e-file. The Plan will help maintain a healthy lifestyle, gain a positive perspective, help stay mentally, emotionally and physically well